UNITED STATES QUAD RUGBY ASSOCIATION

April 2002

Spokes Ableman Goes to Denver
  By Ed Hooper

"Hey Helmet Head, what's a Harlequin?" Asked my wise-guy para buddy Spokes Ableman.

"You know Spokes, just once can't you start out talking about the tournament itself?  This is Nationals," I explained.

"Yeah, I know – the big show, all the marbles, the whole nine yards (whatever that means).  By the way, you quads have very few marbles left after all the whacks you've taken.  Speaking of hits, who is that guy who looks like he might have just wrestled a grizzly up in the Rockies?"  Spokes queried.  "He's banging people around like they kicked his dog, or would that be his wolf?"

"That's Steve Pate," I answered.

"Whoa, he's a big one," Spokes started.  "He can have my lunch.  I'm not that hungry anyway. "

"Where do I start?" Spokes continued.  "There are some big, big boys here, HH.  I thought Kirkland was big.  Check out this Canadian Garrett Hickling and Gerardo Aldape from San Diego.  You Lightning boys look like pups at a big dog show."

"Spokes, it's not all about size.  Rugby is speed and chair position, not just brute force," I said.

"Oh, really!  When you say chair position, you mean your chair in the turned-over position like that guy Albert Moscona leveled earlier?"  Spokes retorted.

"Please, just discuss the tournament.  God knows why, but we want your take on it."

"No need to get crabby, old timer.  It seems the Lightning is doing really well since you stopped playing, HH.  I wonder why?"  Spokes jabbed.

"Ableman, the tournament!"

"You know of course that I'm not really a play-by-play man, HH.  I'm more into the subtleties of the game, you know, color, strategy, nuance, that sort of thing."

"Give me a break, Spokes," I said.  "You're a friggin' smart aleck."

"Helmet Head, you abuse my sensibilities. 

"Nevertheless, Lakeshore looks unstoppable, pounding the Heat, Casa, Tampa and the Quake by an average of 15 or 16 points.  These teams are no slouches.  So I must ask you, who's playing for second place?  This Kirkland is an animal – two pushes and he's gone.  And then there's the 2 time gold-medalists Cliff Chun and Eddie Crouch, and then of course they drop off (ha!) with gold-medalist Wayne Romero and Bob "Mr. D" Lujano – and then they have Willard in case they need a little more size and power.  Who's gonna stop 'em?"

"What about Texas who has some gold of their own with Norm, Pate and Zupan?   Or Phoenix?" I asked.

"Well, it looks like Phoenix because they just systematically slowed the aggressive Texans down and deliberately got the ball in the front court and took their time and scored at their own pace, frustrating the powerful Stampede.  Gilliland and Cohn are playing better than ever, and Hogsett continues to impress, but the Demolition demolished them earlier by 12.  By the way, I'm going to have to watch the title game on TV because you scheduled a 4 PM flight out on Sunday, HH.  That doesn't show much confidence in your team now does it?"

"Had we won a couple of more games, I would have changed our flight.  Who says you have to fly with us anyway, Spokes?"  I asked a little annoyed.

"That's no way to talk to a loyal fan.  Last I checked the bleachers aren't exactly bulging with spectators at your games,"  Spokes retorted.  "You guys played well though, never giving up.  Sometimes you get more respect losing than you do winning, as long as you don't make a habit of losing that is.  You're a tough bunch," Spokes concluded.

"Where did you muster up the kind words?" I asked.

"What, you think I'm and insensitive slob?" Spokes popped back.

I resisted a response.

Later… .

"Well, here I am at the airport, asking a pain-in-the-butt bar manager to turn on the game.  10 years ago, who would have ever thought you'd even be able to ask that question?" Spokes mused.

"Hey, turn on the quad rugby game," Spokes yelled.

"What's quad rugby?" The manager asked.

"It's a wheelchair sport and a heck of a lot more exciting than watching the Tigers lose 11 in a row.  Turn on the game, man," Spokes pleaded.

"Sorry, HH," Spokes reported at the gate, "but from what little I saw the Heat was trying a repeat of their Texas game plan and from all accounts came very close to pulling it off.  I'll let others who were actually there fill in the many blanks since I was fighting with a nasty, overweight bar manager instead of actually being there.  Suffice to say that's four in a row for Lakeshore."

"You know, HH, Division II should be played at a different location like they did in 2000 at Warm Springs.  It's a little weird crowning a champ in the midst of all these D-I teams who fought like dogs to finish 2 through 8," Spokes said looking a little confused.

"It really is a logistical thing and it does give a sense of camaraderie of all these players coming together in one place.  Plus, there is more attendance at the AGM," I explained.

"Are you a point five now, Mr. Double Nickel?"

"No, will you please finish you colossal pain in the…" I tailed off.

"Oh, you don't want to talk about the AGM? 

"Anyway, Boothby and the Boston boys put Sharp away in the final and played well throughout beating the host Harlequins in a hard-fought game to get to the final.  That Carlos is a banger.  He'd look good in a Lightning uniform," Spokes said.

"Well, I've done all I can," Spokes continued.  "I've done everything except park vans out here in this thin air.  It's very tough work just tolerating a weekend with you, HH, and you expect me to work too."

"Oh, stop!  All you've done is sit around and shoot off your mouth," I said.  "The volunteers did all the work."

"They had great support out here, didn't they?  Great volunteers!" Spokes exclaimed.  "We love Lisa. You know you quads would be in deep do-do without your support staff

and volunteers."

"We know that Spokes," I acknowledged.  "What about the refs, Spokes?"

"Oh yeah, how about Tres Smith getting into the Hall?  Man, those hall of famers sure do chatter on, don't they?  You know refs take a bunch of heat that they richly deserve.  No, I mean, it's an easy job and they get to do it.  No, well, you know what I mean, right?

"I have no clue," I replied.

"Congrats to Angelo too," Spokes said..

"I just have one last question," Spokes offered.

"Yeah?"

"What's a Harlequin?"

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