UNITED STATES QUAD RUGBY ASSOCIATION
March 2002
SMASH 2002
By Ed
Hooper
"Hey Helmet Head, what
happened to all the teams?" Asked my wiseguy, para buddy Spokes Ableman.
"You know, Spokes," I responded, "it's just like you to start with a negative. After 7 years of you harassing us about not winning our own tournament and we finally win it, you don't say squat."
"Oh, you won?" Spokes acted surprised. "Probably because you weren't playing, HH. So what happened to all the teams that are usually here?" He persisted.
"It's a lean year, Spokes, but wasn't this year's action about the best rugby you've ever seen at the Smash"
"You mean out at the Daiquiri Deck with Harry and those London Lads?" Spokes asked.
"No, you saw the games. What do you think?"
"First," Spokes said wryly, "you quads are nuts, but it's a very entertaining nuts. Who else would put their gimped-up bodies through this abuse and not collect one red cent. For the Canadians, it's just two-thirds of a red cent."
"Would you please just talk about the games?" I pleaded. "That, after all, is what you're here for."
"Don't get your helmet in an uproar, HH. I'm getting to that.
"Let's see," Spokes finally starts, "the real action started in Game 2, where London and Tampa went head to head until London's wheels fell off in the 3rd quarter, getting outscored 12 to 9 and falling behind by 5. Tampa polished them off early in the fourth by scoring 2 quick points. Whitehead went to the bench and the party was over. Final score: Tampa 38 - London 30. Meanwhile, the Lightning was cruising to a 39-30 win over Casco Bay."
"Happy, HH?"
"That's just 2 games, Ableman."
"Gee, Old Timer, no need to get grumpy. Here we go again."
"Ah, the war. The Generals. Da Lightning. Shootout! The Lightning played a turnover-free first half but were only up three as the Generals rotated Mark Hickey, Vi Vorasane and Scott Burrows in various ways, utilizing Peter Scheirner and Dave Ceruti, or as you affectionately call him "that pain in the neck Ruti." And of course their two's, Brian "the new Helmet Head" Sterner, Mark Welch and Justin Stark. The Lightning countered with co-tournament MVP Pat O'Connor, Dave Jenkins, Mark Coller and Best of Class Joel Post. The third quarter ended after the Generals went on a 6-2 run to tie the game at 31. The Lightning answered in the fourth with a 5-2 run of their own and the Generals couldn't come back again. Lightning 39 Generals 37.
"Hey, do you need a Navigator to actually navigate Casco Bay?" Spokes blurted.
"Just do the games, ok?."
"Ok, HH. Relax. That doesn't look like the Rattlers playing Casco Bay. In fact, that doesn't look like Casco Bay (except for Billy B and Donnie "1.5" Wright) playing the Rattlers. Whoa, HH! A Spy! Isn't that a Pitbull in Navigator's clothing? That's Adam Ellis and, gee, what a surprise, that's Mike Savicki suited up with yet another team. And the Rattlers look like they've imported some talent of their own from Canada, 3.0 Fabian Lavoie and Best of Class 1.5 Patrice Simard. In a see-saw affair, the Rattlers prevail over the Navigators by 4.
"Next the London Annihilators with the two dubyas: Willsie and Whitehead showed no respect for their two Canadian brothers as they dispatched the Rattlers 38-26."
"And London wasn't finished, as next they and the Navigators went toe-to-toe, scoring an amazing 28 total points in the third quarter alone (14 each), but the Navigators lost their way and the game 49-39."
"I'm getting tired," Spokes complained.
"There's only a few games left," I said.
"Has London saved all their energy for the Lightning? I know they've stored enough brew away to send Anheiser Bush stock soaring. They jumped right on the Bolts for a 4-1 lead and then had audacity to put the Postman's chair out of commission. Enter the Quademalan, Jarrio Barrios, and the Lightning sucked it up and even gained until Post could re-enter the game. Whitehead and Willsie lead the way, but it wasn't enough as the Lightning went on to win it by 3."
"Sunday pitted those Navigators minus Adam Ellis who played for the Smash Basher pick-up team featuring The Quademalan, Charles Ray, Troy Weise, Jose Debenito, and Dale "Bojangles" Santella who had to get a rugby fix after a couple of years on the wagon. The Bashers lost by one with Helmet Head shaking his head at the end saying, 'We were robbed.'
"London pulled the other fang of the Rattlers, 32-23."
"And then the rematch. The Generals, determined not to wear down, rotated their lineup while the Lightning kept their starting four, until Mark Coller went out with an equipment problem. Enter David Taylor who played solid minutes and solid defense until Coller got back into the game. The game was - as were the 4 previous encounters - a battle. By the fourth quarter the Lightning clawed their way to a lead and the Generals were again foiled. Final: 36-33 and the Lightning won its own tournament for the first time since its inception eight years earlier."
"Congratulations, HH."
"At last Ableman, some respect."
"Hmmm," Spokes scratched his head, "Boston, even the ex-commish, says you Bolt Boys are second or third best in the Atlantic Section. What do you say about that?"
"What I always say, that's why you play the games. See you in Warm Springs, Spokes.
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