UNITED STATES QUAD RUGBY ASSOCIATION
December, 2004
Spokes Ableman Goes to Valdosta, Again
by Ed Hooper
"Am I in the Legionnaire’s wing of this hotel?" Asked my wiseguy buddy, Spokes Ableman. "They’ve got mold on the walls of this room that could consume a small rodent.”
"Stop complaining, Spokes, these rooms are just fine. Can't you ever just report on these quad rugby tournaments without all the ranting?" I responded.
"Sure, Helmet Head, why not? I probably haven’t got long to live anyway.
"So, here we are in beautiful downtown Lowndes County, where 6 teams of quad-a-holics will compete for the coveted Valdosta Bowl (Cup!). Hey who shined up the trophy?”
“We did,” I replied. “It needed a new top and some general repair.”
“What, did you think you were going to win it again this year?”
“The thought had crossed my mind, Ableman.”
“Lakeshore put that thought to rest Friday afternoon, didn’t they?”
“Yes they did. It was a typical performance by the Lakeshore crew. First thing we talk about as a team is to not get down early, and bang we’re down 2 zip, and can never quite get it back.”
“In fairness (and you know how I hate that), HH, you boys tied the game at 29 with 4 minutes left, and then something big happened. KIRKLAND! He forced 2 quick TO’s and you Lightning Lads spent the last two minutes in the penalty box and on the short end of a 30-34 score.”
“There’s another couple of more stories here, Spokeman.”
“Spokeman!? Where the hell is that coming from? I’ll handle the heavy lifting here HH.
“First off,” Spokes continued. “TNT was without Wayne Romero and that slowed them down, but they played an exciting 2-point game against Tampa I who was showcasing Justin Stark’s ‘new game.’ He has improved in most areas of his game. Tampa came out the victor in that contest largely because of Stark’s efforts.
“Then there’s Atlanta. Winless, but there in force – 12 or more of those Ted Turner runaways. Good to see them back and attending tournaments. They played some solid rugby led by the Sportsman of the tournament Ron Hart – a 50+ 3.0 in 3.5 clothing. You guys should revisit that age rule.”
“Not likely, Spokes. That committee made a pretty good case for the status quo at the AGM.”
“Well, what do they know? Look at you, HH; you’d be a .25 or something. All I’m saying is that you old bastards need a little consideration.”
“Stop! We need to thank our sponsors, Spokes.”
“Sure. South Lowndes Recreational Center run by Brandy Long who had to tolerate you quadnics all weekend. Mike White at Chick-fil-A. And of course Nina – the Ultimate Volunteer – who did everything from massaging the players to keeping score to running the clock. Great volunteers all the way around.
“And we mustn’t forget Loren who came up to classify all those Atlanta guys. The refs who get some respect – from somewhere, I’m sure – and the new trainee Will Mattern. We hope he sticks.”
“Well, HH, the refurbished cup is back at Lakeshore. Oh, wait! Did I hear a familiar voice emanating from the Tampa sidelines over the weekend, coming from just below a dome that’s as shiny as a new nickel? Who could it be?
“Say goodbye Spokes.”
“Bye, HH, see you at Conveen.”
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