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11/99

Spokes Ableman and the Valdosta Cup
by Ed Hooper

"So, this is Valdosta?" Asked my para wiseguy buddy, Spokes Ableman. "Don't they grow onions here? They should call this the Onion Bowl, not the Valdosta Cup."

"That's Vadalia, Spokes. Can't you ever be nice and report on these quad rugby tournaments without all the bull," I responded.

"Sure, Helmet Head. Do you want me to park vans and served lunch, too," Spokes said with that wry grin pasted on his face.

"No," I replied, "but players drive a long way to play in this event and you can't even get the name of the town right."

"Okay. Here we are in beautiful downtown Valdosta, Georgia, where 5 teams of quad-a-maniacs will compete for the coveted Bowl (Cup!). The first two competitors are rolling down Tombs Street. Whoa, that's a scary street. Do you quads have a death wish or what?" Spokes said.

"It's Tooms, not Tombs, Spokes," I told Spokes.

"Whatever, don't get your Helmet in an uproar. What was I saying? Oh, yeah, first up is Healthsouth Sarasota Riptide and the Tampa Generals, with the Tennessee Titans, North Carolina Crash and the South Florida Rattlers rounding out (no quad pun intended) the field."

"Hey, Helmet Head," Spokes yelled from the sidelines, "you guys look better, the Generals are just taking your lunch, but not eating it right in front of you all. Or is that y'all here in Georgia? Who the heck is that # 77 on Tampa? Dubberly? What's he an ex-golfer or something?

Wow, what a load he is! If he knocks Pat O'Connor over one more time, I'm gonna get in there, and, well… I'll go in and see if Pat is okay."

"That's big of you Spokes," I said after the game. "That's Brad Dubberly a 3.5 from Australia."

Then, in a moment of rare seriousness, Spokes said, "Is Billy Renje wearing # 34 in honor of the great Walter Payton?"

"Yeah," I replied, a little choked up. Spokes, Renje and I are originally from Chicago.

"Tampa doesn't seem too tired after playing Riptide, as they also stomped South Florida by 20," Spokes said matter of factly.

"Ah, Carolina and Sarasota - at last competition, not a spanking," Spokes rudely chortled. "Hey, where's Carolina's 3-point player. Now, this is action. Quads racing all over the place like they left what little sense they had at the Georgia State line. Riptide wins it, but it was a battle, and Coach Mike Duda is doing a "what if" regarding his 3.0, Matt Crisp."

"Is this the Tennessee team that won the National Championship?" Spokes queried.

"No, Spokes, that team reorganized after losing their high functioning players."

"Well, they look pretty good against those Rattlers that you Riptide boys love so much. That Dodson can bump a ball the length of a football field. They've got speed, Helmet Head, so look out tomorrow."

"Ah, Saturday in Valdosta," Spokes yawned. "The Generals are treating Carolina like a bunch of trainees," Spokes said as I made my way in for our critical game against the Titans.

"Where do you quads get the endurance for these things? There's not enough power bars in the GNC store for me to run this pace," Spokes proclaimed as the action between Sarasota and Tennessee was fierce and close. "Hey, Helmet Head, you look like your gas tank is way below empty, but with 4 minutes to go you're managed to go up by one. Go Tide! Ooops, the Titans have run the steam out of Sarasota and win it by three."

"Who's next?" Spokes asked like the last action was water under the bridge.

"Charlotte and the Rattlers," I responded.

"Whoa, the Rattlers are certainly rattling Carolina's cage. They're way up, but what's this - a 5 point line up in for the Rattlers and Carolina making subs with function and speed and suddenly they've closed the gap and gained momentum before the Rattlers can regroup. Carolina coach Mike Duda is licking his chops and so is his team. My God! Carolina takes the lead - a turnover by Carolina and then another and the Rattlers are up by one with little time remaining for Carolina, the clock just ran out, and the Rattlers win it by one."

"Helmet Head, the Generals just marched over Tennessee with the two 3.5's Joe Soares and Brad Dubberly looking unstoppable. Well, guess who's next?"

"I know, Spokes, our buddies from South Florida," I responded.

"The rest these Rattlers got against Carolina might pay off because Sarasota looked spent after the Tennessee game. But Riptide is coming out swinging and the first quarter ends in a tie. Sarasota is committing costly turnovers that appear to making them lose concentration and the Rattlers take full advantage to win by 4."

"What happened, Helmet Head?" Spokes asked.

"I'm in no mood for this right now, Ableman, and stop calling me Helmet Head."

"Oooh, a little touchy aren't we?"

"Tennessee is beating Charlotte," Spokes said to me, trying to gloss over the dig he delivered about the South Florida game.

"Yeah and if they win, we get another shot at the Rattlers."

"It's Sunday. You guys tired yet?" Spokes asked while sipping on a cup of coffee.

"We'll be tired latter, Spokes," I replied, knowing we need to keep our cool in this one or the ride home would be very, very long.

"Wow," Spokes began, "this action is incredible. Sarasota up by one. Tied. Rattlers by one. Tied! Up two. Tied! Back and forth. Does dog fight mean anything to anyone because this is one? 

Riptide has the lead by 2 with 40 seconds left and turns the ball over twice for scores by the tenacious Rattlers, and they are headed back to the key to protect the tie and looking forward to overtime. Riptide inbounds to near half court and David Taylor takes a pass from O'Connor and is ripping toward the goal. Bang! 

Chip Dytko as the buzzer sounds meets Taylor at the goal line. Christ, my heart is going to stop here," Spokes sputters. "Wait, the referee is calling a cone violation even though it looked like Taylor's front wheels were over the line."

"Overtime," Spokes yelps. "Are you guys gluttons for punishment or what?"

"Riptide took control early in overtime and won the game by two," Spokes concluded.

"This final is just a formality, right?" Spokes asked already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, Spokes, Tampa is the only Division I team here and they were expected to win, and Tennessee is Division II Champs, with Sarasota, South Florida and Carolina finishing behind them."

"Well, Helmet Head, it's been another weekend of quad insanity, but it sure can get exciting. You Division II guys are something. You're clearly out-gunned and you still play for love of the game. Like I've always said, you're nuts."

"Nope, we're quads," Spokes. "See ya next time."

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